We used to be friends
by Laurissy
Summary: Ok then this is my first fanfic guys hope you like this please review it. Anyway this is TJ's and Young's backstory from my POV. The prologue and epilogue will take place on destiny with tj looking back in the chapters. There's also a bit from Young POV.
1. Prologue

We used to be friendsPrologue

She lay awake staring at the ceiling. She was glad of this solitude to collect her thoughts, as the only qualified doctor on board Destiny. She often found herself overstretched and she knew everyone relied on her to sort out problems and now with these psych evaluations. She had to worry about their mental well being as well. Worries and duties spun around in her head but she managed to force them down. She knew that these worries and duties would come back when she started working for the day. But for a few precious moments. The ship wasn't falling apart. No one was drastically ill. Furthermore she was 99% sure that no one was going to crack, and go on a killing spree. However on Destiny this could change in a matter of seconds. Never a dull moment.

A sudden realisation hit her. This had been the first time she'd woken up and not thought where the hell am I? She wondered if anyone else had experienced this. The realisation that she was getting used to Destiny. She was getting used to the constant danger, the terrible food and all the reasonable and more often than not unreasonable demands of her shipmates. "Am I becoming like Rush" she thought "Do I care about going home anymore" She realised with a pang she did want to go home. She missed her family. Her sister had just gotten pregnant again and she wanted to be able to hold her new niece or nephew in her own arms.

She even missed rain. The feel of it against her skin and the soothing melody it played as it hit the roof above her. She closed her eyes and tried to hear the rain but the ceiling only answered with deafening silence. She sighed. It was sad because she knew that the chances of her going home were slim at best if she could be happy on Destiny maybe it wouldn't be so bad. But she could never be truly happy on Destiny and in that moment she envied Rush because he was the only person on the ship that was ever going to be happy abroad destiny.

The thought of Rush bought all her worries and duties back to the forefront of her mind like bees buzzing in a hive. "It is strange how a lot of my problems link back to him somehow" she thought. She had to make sure those in her makeshift hospital was as comfortable as possible. She had to try and help anyone with a complaint and ration carefully the medicines she had left which reminded her she had to do an inventory check soon. She was pretty sure a couple of people were stealing and hoarding medicine.

The frustrating thing was she knew who these couple of people were and they were hoarding a lot more than painkillers but she didn't have any concrete proof that they were guilty. If she told Colonel Young about this she'd probably only enrage and isolate them more from her and she was sick of reminding everyone that all she wanted to do was help.

Everett. His first name, she hadn't even thought it in such a long time. She remembered the deep bond they used to have. They used to be able to discuss anything. Football, Reality TV and just whatever occupied their minds at the time. She missed having such a valuable confidant even when they had completely different opinions. She'd always enjoyed listening to him and she knew he was listening to her just as intently.

She missed having him, in her bed, where the pleasure of their encounters intoxicated her body and made her cry out for more. "Where did that thought come from?" She thought she'd gotten rid of all these troublesome feelings for her **MARRIED** CO but deep down she knew their connection ran bone deep she could never hope to get rid of her feelings, only suppress them. She also realised that she'd have to try to give him a psyche evaluation again. She had no idea what was going through his head or how to help him deal with it. More than anyone else she wanted to help him. Why did he have such an effect on her? Frustrated, she started to reflect on her history with Colonel Everett Young


	2. Chapter 1 What's with all the sparks

What's with all the sparks?

_11 Months ago_

"So here I am" she thought to herself. She was surrounded by 50 eager new recruits for this top secret mission. Icarus base. Her brother in law was a professor of ancient Greek mythology at Colombia. She could briefly remembered him telling her the story of Deadalus and Icarus. The story of the young boy who wanted to fly. But all he ended up doing was falling to the ground. Whilst all his father could do was weep. It seemed a bad omen to her to name the base after such a story. Especially after she was finally told what the mission was. To dial the ninth chevron and go further than any human had been before. She wondered if this was it. This was the point where they would fall and realise maybe we were like that naive and innocent child who died because he didn't know his own limits. That had always been her problem. She'd never know when to stop. It always got her into trouble.

She looked out the window. This chasm reminded her of the Grand Canyon which she'd visited once back on earth. Only it was a thousand times bigger. She looked down and saw a thousand years of this planet's history embedded in the rocks. She could also feel the power of the planet hum around her. She could hear a low hum as well as the rocks which vibrated with a strange kind of force. The mission briefing on earth had explained that they were going to use the power, this planet exerted to power the stargate to the new address that had been discovered. She felt excited. Years ago the Johanssons must have been pioneers because she couldn't wait to explore. She hoped also that out there was even more advanced medical technology or maybe a new alien herb that could cure cancer. To Johansson the possibilities seemed endless. Although she couldn't get rid of her misgiving that maybe we had gone too far. "It's just a name" she told herself

"Um excuse me" said a deep but unknown voice.

TJ looked up and stared at the man addressing her

"Did you have a question?" the voice enquired.

She realised just that her new CO had been giving them all a briefing about the base and what they were all expected to do whilst she was here. She was supposed to have been paying attention. Not daydreaming about ancient Greek legends and rock formations. Now her new CO was going to think she was an idiot. So much for a good first impression "Ok" she thought calming herself as much as possible "All I have to do is to think of an intelligent question and MAYBE I can save this situation.

"Is the sickbay well stocked?" she said relieved that she'd came up with a question that made sense as the MO this was vital information for her. She just had to now pray he hadn't already mentioned it.

He smiled and replied "Yes it is but once, you've had a look-over all the supplies you can tell me if there's anything missing and I'll contact Earth and make sure we get what you need."

"Thanks sir" she said whilst breathing a sigh of relief. She'd managed to save herself from embarrassment. She listened intently to the briefing now hoping she'd catch up on what she'd missed.

"Any more questions" said her new CO. 30 people put their hands up. TJ noticed that there were two IOA members present who were noticeably trying to throw her new CO of balance and make him sound like a dumb marine who wasn't capable of leadership. Despite this he managed to stay cool and calm and answer everyone's question so that even when he said he didn't know. He did it in a way that made people appreciate that this mission was an unknown.

She saw that her new CO seemed to have infinite patience and she was impressed by his calm stature and commanding heir. She estimated he was in his forties with dark hair and blues eyes. She had to admit he was quite handsome if a little old for her. But age never bothered her.

Unfortunately she always seemed to be attracted to older guys who were often married and often treated her like nothing more than a sex object and never saw her as more than a blonde with big tits. She wanted a real relationship that was more than just sex. She wanted to feel connected to someone. Someone who could look past her looks and see she was an intelligent and kind person who was worth more than a quick thrill.

After her new CO had finished answering a question about the toilet facilities from a scientist who seemed too concerned about the condition of the toilets on the base. She made a mental note to expect to see him in sickbay soon. One man who she knew was Matthew Scott because they'd spoken on the trip to Icarus asked "So when do we expect this mission to this new address to happen?" Everyone seemed to sit up at this moment and focus entirely on what her new CO was saying. For one moment during the whole interview he looked embarrassed but he immediately chuckled quietly and replied "Well Rush is still working on the finer details and he says it will happen soon. If you want something more specific you can talk to him."

TJ had to contain herself when she saw the two IOA members put their hands up. It was like two bullets being shot in the air simultaneously. If synchronised hand rising was an Olympic event these two would have won a gold medal.

"Yes" said her new CO.

"Where do we find him" they both said together at the same time and with the same shrill tone. "These two had really missed their calling as a double act" TJ thought as she tried to suppress her giggles. Her new CO looked at her with an expression that should have been firm but he had a small grin and she could tell he was having the same problem she was. This was good. They had a similar sense of humour. He answered their question and after that everyone was done.

Everyone got up and walked towards the door but of course because TJ had been daydreaming through most of the briefing. She had no idea where she was supposed to go. She looked around panicked. However her new CO tapped her on the shoulder and she felt a small spark where his hand had been.

"Do you want to see sickbay?" he asked.

"Yes" she replied pleased at the fact she wouldn't have to follow someone and blindly hope she was meant to be going in the same direction they were.

They walked out of the room together and he said "You're the new MO. That's good. We need one. It's great you're here because it's hard to justify to a MO"

"Why" enquired Lt Johansen. She'd been informed that this mission was going to be dangerous and danger in her profession often meant work for her.

He sighed and said "I think you'll get plenty of work and drama when we dial this address but until then the main problem you will have to deal with headaches. The problem is as I'm told there's a lack of medical officers and there are places where a lot of people needs an MO a hell of lot more than we do"

"Oh, and you have no idea when that will be." she stated. She understood before this mission she hadn't really had a permanent assignment she'd just be sent somewhere. A war struck planet with a lot of casualties, a planet with a serious epidemic or an SG team that had gone missing she'd go on a search and rescue mission with an SG team. It was one of the reasons she agreed to this mission. She wanted a break from it all albeit there was nothing more satisfying that knowing the people you were looking after were going to be ok. Whether they were human, asgard or jafa. But sometimes you could do very little or nothing to help the people you're assigned to and then when it ends badly you have to shake your head and pretend that didn't happen and focus on the new group of people that need your help. She just needed a chance to stop and take in all that had happened so she could move on. So a post that was permanent seemed ideal and she was actually relieved by what he was saying maybe she'd find some peace at last.

"None whatsoever" he smiled "It all depends on Rush and, if he'll ever figure out how to power the gate. It's very frustrating having to explain to my superiors and the IOA why there's such a huge delay." He stopped suddenly

"What's going on" TJ tried to say but Young just put his finger to her lips. She felt another spark as he touched her and wished she knew why this was happening. Why she already felt so at ease with him? The she heard it a huge yell

"Get the **** out of my lab" someone yelled with a Scottish accent.

"What was that" TJ said astonished.

"That was revenge for the four hour meeting I had to endure with 10 IOA members asking about why this project wasn't moving anywhere" he laughed and she joined in. It was strange but she'd knew she was going to get on really well with her CO. He took her to the sickbay where she saw that the sickbay was well stocked but she thought she should do with some trioxylene but she had enough diaparthin to last her at least 10 years.

TJ and Young continued to talk to each other as they went and had dinner together. She mentioned she'd been daydreaming during the briefing and he filled her in what she missed. He didn't even seem annoyed but just said "It's a lot to take in, being out here on such a crazy mission."

"Yeah" she agreed

He took her to her room as she had no idea where it was. "Well it was nice to meet you" he said genuinely and not looking at her tits which was always a bonus. "Thanks, you too" They shook hands and there it was again that spark. She twitched slightly.

"I forgot to tell you about the static electricity didn't I" said Young

"What?" TJ replied.

"The static electricity it's a side effect of drawing on the planet's power. It irritates everyone even though I'm kind of used to it by now. Everyone's constantly getting hit by it. It's funny how many men and women complain about having frizzy hair."

"Yeah I guess so, It's not much of a problem for you sir, is it" TJ said not believing how cheeky she was being.

"Guess you're right, goodnight" he smiled broadly.

TJ went into her room and lay on the bed. She couldn't stop smiling she felt so happy. She didn't think she'd ever meet anyone who she communicated with so well. She just had to hope the sparks really were just static electricity. She felt her hair and understood why people were complaining. Oh well I don't have to look in a mirror for a while. She lay down and she started daydreaming about her future. It's funny that they now all contained her new CO

**A/N wow first chapter done wow I loved writing this but I have homework damn. Oh well please review. I hope you all like it. Oh by the way the medicines are completely made up I have no idea if they actually exist. **


	3. Chapter 2 Crushing on the CO is bad

Crushing on the CO is Bad for business

10 Months ago.

It took her exactly two days before she noticed the ring on his finger. She put it to the back of her mind. 3 weeks later a young marine called Greer came into sickbay with some minor bruising he'd received from a fight with another marine. She'd found out Young was mistaken. She was dealing with a lot more than headaches. A lot of people were frustrated with being stationed on a base where nothing happened. To marines who had been trained and were expecting action and adventure. They were inevitably annoyed when they were told they had nothing to do because Rush hadn't figured out how to dial this ninth chevron. Johansson knew from her daily dinners with Young that he along with his men were frustrated that he couldn't really give them anything to do to occupy their time.

She'd never had dinner with her CO before. "It's probably unprofessional" she thought smiling. She'd gone past caring. It was such a natural routine. She couldn't imagine eating dinner without him there. "It doesn't mean anything" she told herself "I'm not going to have a crush on my CO it's bad for business" She giggled she knew it was too late for that kind of thought. Her crush had grown to the point where it was harder and harder to deny. But she kept denying but at the same time but she took a guilty pleasure in indulging her crush with fantasies from time to time.

Marines were trained for action. If there wasn't any they'd create their own. This led to fights. Now she was here they didn't have to patch themselves up. Luckily no one was seriously hurt yet but she wanted harsher punishments for people who provoked fights. Young had told her he felt bad about punishing these marines. He saw it is a relatively harmless release for their agitation. TJ disagreed. This had led to a few lively debates but neither of them was prepared to budge on the matter. "It's strange how I even love arguing with him." She pondered. So looking at Greer who'd become something of a regular customer in her sickbay. "What was it this time" she said sounding a little more exasperated than she would have liked.

Greer though was used to this and he'd seen a lot of doctors who were more exasperated and at least she wasn't patronising

"He deserved it." he said.

TJ knew she wasn't going to get more of an explanation from him. From what she'd already learned. The marine in question Dee had been saying racist insults and he thought it was funny. Greer wasn't the kind of person to take that lying down so he fought back. Young had ordered them to stay away from each other but Young had made it clear racism wouldn't be tolerated on this base. The marine in question was being sent back to earth. Complaining bitterly about the unfair treatment and how the monkeys got everything. This made TJ really sad and angry. Sometimes she wished we were like the Asgard. They were all so alike. There was no reason for racism for them but then again there was never a reason for racism. She sighed "For all of humanity's good points we seem to be too good at persecuting each other." She doubted whether there was anything that would ever stop that. She shook her head.

There was no point feeling sorry for Greer. He didn't want it or need it. He had nothing to be sorry for he wasn't ashamed of his colour or background. He wore them like a badge. It showed how far he'd come. However he wasn't going to get much further if he didn't control that temper. She tried again to advise him. "You should have told the Colonel about what he said rather than hitting him. There are other ways of dealing with the Dees of this world".

"He deserved what he got" he repeated in a way that made TJ understand that she had to change the topic or all she'd get is stony silence. She continued with the examination. It would take a couple of days to heal completely but Greer was well enough that he could continue with his duties. Meanwhile they talked about Rush and how he was so sure he was near a breakthrough. TJ got the impression from everyone that at this point. No one believed him anymore. TJ was aware of a small gambling ring that offered favourable odds that he'd lose funding soon and they'd all get reassigned. They laughed about this.

"Yeah maybe the colonel will get an assignment on earth. Did you know the Colonel's going on leave soon to see his wife and kids? It must be hard being so far away for no good reason." He said with obvious disdain.

"No I didn't" TJ said and she felt her heart skip a beat and suddenly she felt sick to her stomach. She hoped he was misinformed but deep down she knew he wasn't. Greer was annoyed because he knew who his replacement was.

"I'm not looking forward to it. The replacement's Colonel Telford he was my commander in stargate training. He treated me like garbage." He grimaced. A thousand insults and unfair punishments went through his head and made him angrier and angrier.

"Well absence makes the heart grow fonder" she remarked and she gave a bleak smile. It was hard to focus on Greer when she felt like her heart was being punched but she managed it and gave Greer some painkillers and told him to take it easy which she knew was impossible for him.

"I'll try" he said sounding earnest but then again he sounded earnest the last hundred times he'd said it.

"Why can't people just be what they seem?" she screamed inside her head. She wanted to collapse and start crying which was ridiculous she'd known him for two months. She liked the habit they'd gotten into. He'd meet her at the canteen where they'd discuss all the patients she'd had that day and that would always lead to a completely different conversation topic. She loved him listening to her, she loved his laugh and she loved how she felt when she was around him. The only course of action TJ thought was to try and avoid his company and hope she could put this silly stupid crush behind her. But the thought of avoiding him seemed about as a appealing chopping her hand of. She started to wonder "Why didn't he ever tell her he was married. Maybe he was in the middle of a divorce which meant he didn't want to talk about it with her" Hope returned to her in a glorious flash. She'd wait till dinner. She was sure that he'd explain everything to her and everything could remain as it was with the both of them. She could continue with her relationship with Everett and who knew where it was going to lead. She smiled broadly having now having thoroughly convinced herself that everything was going to be exactly the way she thought it should be.

The wait till dinner was agonising. She'd organised the medical supplies twice. She'd remade all the beds. She'd even wrote a letter to in response to an article she'd read in a medical journal about six months ago. She was getting more and more flighty as the day went on. She wasn't paying attention to her patients and when she did manage to figure out what they were saying. It was physically hard to come up with a diagnosis. All her patients were concerned about her well being fortunately most of them were male and put it down to that time of the month. This saved her from having to come up with a reason for her odd behaviour. Her female patients used their intuition and figured out whatever was upsetting her. She wasn't going to talk about it but they made a mental note to check up on her.

TJ was meanwhile extremely frustrated about how unprofessional she was being. Even if she did had have a crush on Young and it turned out he was married that was no reason for her not to do her duty. Luckily there were no serious cases but what if there was. She imagined how guilty she'd feel if someone died because she couldn't control her feelings for a guy she'd known 2 months. "Get a grip lieutenant Johansson" she told herself forcefully. She mentally kicked herself and managed to regain some semblance of order.

When Everett finally came round to see her and take her to dinner. She was so happy that the wait was over. She hugged him right outside sickbay. Gradually they separated and something deep inside TJ screamed "no, come back." "Ok" TJ thought "not the best way to start this conversation especially if he is married" TJ inwardly groaned.

"So have you heard then" enquired Colonel Young who was very confused by Tamara's greeting. Firstly why she'd chosen to hug him. Secondly why he liked it so much and disliked letting her go. Colonel Young guessed at the answer to his first question and he decided to ignore the second question fearing the answer he'd uncover.

"Ummm about my leave. It starts tomorrow" when he was answered by a very awkward silence. He continued "It's for a week and I thought you were hugging me goodbye."

"Yes" she replied. Another awkward silence. "Greer told me" she said and then because at this moment every part of her was screaming at her to bring it up so she could get it over with already. She said with as much nonchalance she could muster "yeah he said that you were seeing your wife and kids" There it was in the air like a vulture hovering. Later on she'd reflect that she knew deep down what he was going to say and any hopes she'd had to the contrary were that hopes. She knew she had no control over his situation yet her heart was tangled up in it.

"Oh err he's half right." He explained "I'm going to see my wife but err we haven't had"

She didn't let him finish. She said quickly "I don't feel that well. I think I'm going to go to my room and lie down" with that she ran down the corridor. She was crying her eyes out by the time she'd gotten to her room.

Everett stared down the hallway in complete bewilderment wondering what had just happened. He walked in a daze to the canteen and ended up picking the first thing he saw. His body was in autopilot till he went to bed. If someone had tried to talk to him they wouldn't have got a response.

He was thinking of her. Trying to figure out her behaviour. "Did I see tears" he thought "Why did she react so strongly to him going on leave." He was going to miss her. He knew that. It was strange before she came he was counting down the days but when she arrived. She made everything better so much so that he didn't mind all the constant discipline reports, dealing with Rush and missing his wife. His wife. He hadn't thought about her till TJ mentioned it when she asked him about his leave.

He loved his wife but with TJ he had a connection which seemed deeper. "What's going on?" he thought "Am I going to cheat on my wife with someone I've only known 2 months" He was disgusted at himself. This was what sad middle aged losers did and called it a mid life crisis. There was no excuse for his feelings, or this connection with lieutenant Johansson.

They were colleagues. That's all. He was sure she was completely blameless. He never said he was married and she must have thought him a cheating idiot and that's why she ran off. He had never felt so ashamed in his life. He would go on leave but he'd make it up to her. For having to deal with him so long. He knew their relationship would suffer. They could never be the true friends they were for those two months. This made him sad but he ignored it and focused on making it up to his wife for all these thoughts and feelings he had.

TJ was crying into a pillow. There's nothing worse than when you try and quieten yourself down because you always say to yourself. It's not so bad. Then you contradict yourself and remember what made you cry all over again. This cycle continues until you have no tears left to cry. Then you just sniffle and shake on the bed.

She was heartbroken and it was ridiculous because nothing had happened. She hadn't slept with another married man but she wanted to. In the second before he told her. She realised she was in love with him deeply. It wasn't a crush like she told herself again and again. "It's nothing, a silly crush" she'd told this lie to herself since she first met him. But now, they could never have the relationship she wanted. The relationship that ought to be. It was all her fault. Now he thought she was an over emotional little girl. She had to make a plan. Hang out with other people and forget Colonel Young as much as possible. This wasn't particularly appealing but she had no other choice. She couldn't control her feelings towards him.

She couldn't go back to earth either because she liked Icarus. Her job was relaxing if a little bit dull and she wanted to see where this voyage would lead. She was definitely a pioneer. She had to stay and live with her feelings. This made her sad because she'd missed the relationship she'd had with him. Even if it was for just a short while. Things can't go back. Once the wheel turns you must turn with it or be crushed. That's the way of the universe. It's a cruel truth.


	4. Chapter 3 I'm in love get met out of her

I'm in love get me out of here.

**A/N Thanks for all the nice reviews anyway stargate universe is back on British TV so I now feel inspired to continue this fic. I really do appreciate all the kind words you've all been giving me anyway please keep reviewing even if it's criticism I do need it. Anyway I can't thank my reviewers enough. Hope you enjoy this anyway I had a bit of problems with the indents and I don't know how to fix it.**

6 months ago

TJ was this close to going to Camille and begging for a new post. She'd take anything at this point. "I need to get out of here". In a supremely cruel twist of irony. The one reason that compelled her to stay was the main reason she had to leave. Colonel Everett Young. She hit her bedroom wall in frustration.

Why couldn't he be like any other CO? Why did she have to think about him all the time? Why couldn't she accept he was of limits? They'd kept their distance. His leave had lasted a month. She'd hung out with Greer and Scott who were great. It sucked not having anyone to talk to about her feelings for Young. "Greer and Scott were great" she thought but she couldn't tell them anything that really mattered. They wouldn't understand.

Every night when she lay down. The same thought came back into her head "I wonder what they're doing right now." Her brain which had become very sadistic since Young had left. It decided to give her some very graphic images of what they were doing. They made her sick to her stomach.

When he came back she almost hugged him again out of relief then remembering how well that worked out last time. Greer looked as if he wanted to hug him as well. Telford as Greer had predicted had made Greer's life hell. "How he kept his temper under control is a complete mystery" TJ thought. Everyone was ecstatic to see him but TJ held back. She was glad he was here but the sight of him made her heart break. She left without saying a word. "He's forgotten all about me" she thought.

In fact when he first saw her again. He was awestruck by her beauty. He'd been allowed one glance of her radiance and then he had to let everyone to welcome him back. He'd thought of her the whole time when he was away. He even called her name one night when he was _**with**_ his wife. Luckily she didn't notice. At least he hoped she didn't notice. "She hasn't said anything." He thought "Did she suspect?" He analysed every single moment of his leave in meticulous detail and he realised with horror. She'd trusted him completely. He'd never felt so guilty in all his life.

He couldn't stop his imagination from fantasising about her. Every time he tried to relax. A small voice whispered inside him "She'll never know. What's the harm?" He blocked that voice out with all his might but he was tempted. He felt dishonourable. He wanted to resign, retire anything but he didn't want to have a life without her in it. One month seemed like torture. He wondered what forever would seem like. He lay down on his bed knowing who he'd dream about.

They spent three months avoiding each other as much as possible but when they had to be in contact with each other. It was agonising. They couldn't joke, argue or even touch. Everything that had felt so natural were now taboo. He kept glancing at her. She kept glancing at him. They only trusted themselves to glances every now and then when they were eating in the mess hall. They were both terrified of what would happen if they actually looked at each other. They were both afraid they'd snap and lose control. Their feelings for each other continued to grow and grow despite both of them trying to suppress them. It was a force completely out of their control.

If anyone thought they were acting a little strange. They decided not to mention it. For TJ this was a blessing and a curse. She wanted to talk to someone about her feelings. She wanted someone to look at it from her point of view and give her solution of how to get out. On the other hand she didn't want anyone to know about her feelings because if she did. She could never take them back. Now she could still deny what was happening if she spoke it out loud. She wouldn't even have that.

Colonel Young was sitting at a desk. He never liked sitting at it. He was a pilot. He'd joined the air force because he liked to fly full stop. But he'd progressed modestly up the ranks and now here he was behind a desk. He had to think about salaries, morale and supplies. This was made worse by his feelings for LT Johansen. His head was so full of worries it felt like a lead weight. Sometimes he just wanted to fly away from everything.

They were running out of food because the gate had been specially modified so nobody could dial to Icarus. The problem with that was all supplies could only be brought by ship and he'd just received a message from command that the Daedalus had been unavoidably detained. He sighed deeply. He had two options. Hope that the Daedaulus wasn't detained for long and would come with fresh supplies.

He couldn't remember who told him that every society was only ever three meals away from revolution. But he decided the society he was in charge of was fragile enough already. Or he could take the goa'ould cargo ship they had and go trade with the neighbouring planets. He was sure he could get a fair deal. But this meant leaving someone else in charge. Although Scott was a talented pilot. He had only trained on human and ancient ships back on earth and he had no idea how to pilot a goa'ould cargo ship. Admittedly there was an auto pilot but God forbid something went wrong. They could be attacked or boarded and a thousand other scenarios went through his head. This meant he had to go and leave someone else in charge. Scott would be in charge of the base while he was gone with, Greer, Smith and Johansen.

He didn't want to take her whilst things were so awkward. But once Johansen heard of the mission. She insisted on going. "They might want medicines or medical aid" she argued "I'm the only person who is qualified to give either." Unfortunately she was right about that so he reluctantly decided to bring her along.

Now he was glad he could concentrate on flying the ship. TJ was carefully analysing the medicines she'd bought. They were all pretty basic but they were all useful when dealing with planets where you had no idea what you were going to need. She kept her mind on the task ahead and trying to recall the reports from the scout mission that had surveyed their neighbours and figure out if she'd forgotten anything. She couldn't help feeling this was a bad idea and was starting wonder whether she should have insisted on coming. "I'm needed" she thought as she checked her medicines.

Greer was silent for the whole trip. Smith who along with Greer was the people she saw most often in sickbay. He was rather pale, freckly and he was simply perpetually ill. He was the man who had asked about the toilets in the introductory briefing. She'd quickly learnt he was an IOA member who had got the job because his Dad was a senior member of the IOA. She'd also learnt that he suffered every mild complaint known to man. Headache, stomach aches, nosebleeds. The list of ailments was staggering. TJ couldn't help wondering why Young had chosen him for this mission. "He's sweet" she thought "but he's also useless."

Young had chosen him for two reasons. Firstly he wasn't Camille. In Young's opinion she was one of the least annoying IOA members but she was too headstrong. He needed someone who could shut up and do what they were told if this went pear shaped. He knew Camille would complain if he didn't take at least one IOA member to inspect what he was doing so he chose Smith. Secondly Everett felt sorry for the poor lad. He knew he was being bullied by some of the marines who saw him as an easy target. The poor kid genuinely thought he was useless. He hoped this trip would give him some much needed confidence. Everett was sure that if he let him on this mission. His confidence levels would soar.

Smith was thinking on the same lines as TJ. "Why would the colonel pick anyone as useless as me to do anything" he thought. He was puzzled but also excited. This would be the first time. He'd meet an alien. Leo smiled and happily daydreamed on what would happen. The Ship stayed completely silent until they got there.

The planet was mainly forest. It reminded Smith of when he went to Canada. He looked at his companions. Greer was checking the surrounding area for snipers. Johansen was looking at some herbs and wondering if them any medicinal properties. Young was trying to work out the quickest route to the village he'd surveyed while in the air. He'd deliberately landed two miles away so he wouldn't attract attention. "Greer I want you to guard the ship whilst I, Smith and Johansen will try and negotiate with the locals." Ordered Colonel Young.

He'd realised on the trip over here. He couldn't risk anyone getting the ship. It was the only cargo ship they had. There was another reason. He had no idea how to deal with the natives of this world and how best to get what they need. Sometimes you need someone like Greer to hold a gun and look like they'll use it. Sometimes this helps negotiation sometimes it doesn't. Experience had taught him that when dealing with someone for the first time. It pays to be polite and use intimidation when necessary. It was a delicate art negotiating. You had to give of the impression of strength and know how much to hold back.

Smith went on ahead. He felt like he was in one of those sci fi shows where the village would be in danger and he; the hero would have to save everyone. There was also a fair maiden for him to rescue. He imagined a really cool looking bad ass alien who he'd defeat in a blaze of glory. While in his imaginary world. He'd manage to trip up twice and step in an unidentified substance which looked like green gunk.

"He's in his own little world." TJ thought. She wished she could join him. Anywhere would be better than this where there was a huge awkward silence. No one was saying anything TJ had hoped that since Smith was her he would be able to fill the gap with vacuous conversation. He was usually quite good at that in sickbay but this new world had caught his imagination. For once he wasn't stuck on an air force base. He looked happy which TJ had never seen before.

Colonel Young was happy that Smith was happy but ultimately believed he'd be disappointed or was that hoped. Why did she have to come? We could have just bought the medicines. He wished he'd thought of that on Icarus because now she was two metres away. It might as well have been 6 billion miles. He wished for oblivion as an escape from the hell he now found himself in.

His wish was soon granted as he felt a sharp pain on his head. TJ running towards him. She's shouting "Run Smith." He felt her hands clutching him, shaking him and then the oblivion he craved. The last thought he had was "Why can't things ever be easy and simple?"

TJ Had never been so scared in her whole life. This attack was coming from nowhere and she knew she was surrounded. She didn't care the man she loved was lying on the ground motionless. She ran towards him hoping to hear life. She started crying openly a part of her was relieved she had this opportunity to admit her feelings and not be ashamed. The majority of her was screaming "Be okay."

As the net engulfed her she knew two things. One. Everett was alive. Two. Smith had escaped. She knew that there was still a chance he could die. She had no idea what was in the poisonous dart that now protruded from his neck. She also had no idea if Smith could outrun these people and reach Greer. But she didn't have time to worry about that as she ended up joining Everet in oblivion.

**A/N So what do you think this chapter was going to be longer with them being alone and forced to confront each other but I realised this chapter was getting kind of long so that will be the next chapter I don't know does this feel like filler. I promise the next chapter they'll get together well tell me what you thought. **


	5. Chapter 4 There's no way this can be rig

There's no way this can be right.

This wasn't the first time lieutenant Johansen had woke up and thought. "Where the hell am I?" She got up slowly. Her head throbbed painfully. She was in a cave of some sort. She was lying down and looking up. The walls were covered with moss. There was also some indistinguishable yelling.

"Oh thank God, you're awake" he said. He then ran across the cave and hugged her. This was the first time he'd hugged her and despite all the danger she knew she was in. She loved that delicious feeling of being enveloped by his affection even if it was wrong.

"Are you okay" he asked.

"That depends" TJ replied "how much trouble are we in."

"From what I can gather we've been captured by a bunch of thieves and put in this cave" he explained "I think they want a ransom."

"Is Smith here?" she said looking round.

"No, I'm hoping he's got to Greer and he'll be able to use our trackers to find and free us" he explained.

"So your plan is to sit and wait" TJ said incredulously.

He chuckled "They're intelligent and they've done this before I really think its best we wait this out." At the end of his he let out a yelp of pain and she was there beside him.

"It's my arm" he said "I think I hurt it as I was falling down."

"Let me see" TJ ordered. It wasn't too badly bruised. He'd be fine . As she was working he said "I'm going to live, right"

"Of course" she laughed. What a strange question.

"It's just you haven't said anything and you look sad I was expecting you to tell me I was terminally ill. "He said.

TJ laughed again. "You're going to be all right sir, I promise." She said clutching his face and looking deep into his eyes. So warm and inviting. She leant forward. He bought his hand up to her face. She closed her eyes. She could feel his breath on her face.

"What is going on!" someone shouted.

The spell was broken. Neither TJ nor Everet knew whether to be relieved or disappointed. They both decided on curiosity as they stared at the intruder.

The intruder continued "Where is she?!!" his voice growing louder.

"I don't know sir" the guard tried to explain. "You said she was blonde in the funny clothes and we"

"Got the wrong one." The intruder finished.

The intruder was at this moment clearly seething with rage. His teeth were grinding. His hands twitching. He looked ready to kill someone. It didn't seem like he had any weapons despite this colonel Young positioned himself in front of Lieutenant Johansen.

"Who in the hell are you?!!!" the intruder shouted.

"I am Colonel Young of the US air force and if you do not release us, my people will come looking for us" Colonel Young replied.

"How do I know you are not working for the krad?" the intruder asked with a lot more control over his voice but the anger was still bubbling away inside of him.

"We don't know who the krad is" TJ answered with a hint of fear in her voice. The colonel gave her look. He was silently ordering her not to speak.

"That's absurd everyone knows who the Krad is" he spoke with a hint of menace. "If you were working for the Krad though. You wouldn't pretend to not know who he is. You'd say how evil he is and offer to help. The Krad is too vain to think of such a ploy." He pondered.

He took a step towards Lt Johansen "There's truth in your eyes as well" he said staring directly at her. She had never felt so exposed.

"Johansen" he said looking at her uniform and grabbing her wrist "what are you doing here?"

"That's enough" the colonel interjected "either let us go or face the consequences" the colonel threatened.

"Tell me what you're doing here" the intruder threatened focusing his attention on the colonel again.

"We are here for supplies I run an outpost and I wish to trade."

With that the intruder's eyes lit up "What do you have to offer?"

Suddenly a tall muscular man with a beard came in panting. "I'm sorry" he breathed "Nibor. They're going to kill her tomorrow."

"Nairam" He said quietly. For a minute he was stuck in his own world. TJ couldn't tell if he was sad or if he was working out a plan to get her out. He looked at the Colonel.

"What do you have to trade" Nibor asked shaking himself out of his reverie.

"We have medicine, water purifying equipment and building materials and all we want in return is food" replied Colonel Young. The building materials were what were left over after the base had finished it was only now that they had any use.

"What about weapons" he enquired.

"I am not authorised to give you weapons. I would have to talk to my superiors and see if they agreed that your cause was worthwhile." Informed Colonel Young.

"How long would that take" he enquired further.

"Realistically about a month if this guy's lucky" thought Colonel Young but he knew from what the bearded guy said that he was interested in someone called Nairam and she was in immediate danger. He didn't know why he said what he did next. Maybe he felt sorry for him you could see the pain in his eyes as he was trying to hold onto something rational, if only to save her.

Maybe he related to him. He knew what it was like to love. Burying your feelings so deep because you knew you'd lose control if you let them take over. You'd be a wreck. He looked at TJ. Whatever the reason. He did something that if Camille had been here, would have gotten him fired.

"Too long" the Colonel stated. Nibor looked down in despair. He knew he needed a miracle to rescue Nairam from the Krad. These people were his only hope. "But" the Colonel continued "we can offer our services to help you rescue Nairam if you can give us food for 300 people for 6 months."

"I believe I can arrange that and get you all the food you desire but I still don't know if I can trust you" he stared directly into his eyes. The Colonel knew he was looking for any sign of deception. Nibor smiled.

"Fine contact your team and we shall work out a plan for saving Nairam and I will make sure you have the food you desire." Said Nibor and with that he walked off.

They contacted Smith and Greer. Smith who had done remarkably well he'd managed to avoid detection and find Greer. Greer had contacted Scott on Icarus and notified him of the situation. His orders were to assess the situation and judge what action was necessary. Both Scott and Greer knew if they found them then he'd attempt a rescue. Scott decided that if there was no contact in 24 hours then he'd have to send back up.

It turned out that Nibor was a resistance fighter living in the forest against the oppressive forces of the Krad. A fellow resistance fighter called Nairam had been captured by the Krad and was going to be executed tomorrow as an example to all resistance fighters. Nbor was hoping to capture the Krad's daughter but and organise a straight swap but she'd took a different route. The plan was to storm the palace walls where Nairam was being held. By blowing a huge hole in the palace walls with C4. All the guards would be distracted with that and the 500 resistance soldiers who would suddenly emerge. This would leave Nibor, Greer and Young to rescue Nairam.

"I don't like this" Smith informed TJ for the hundredth time. He was sitting by TJ as they were setting up the C4. She was waiting for her orders and ignored Smith. She was worried to. She had wondered why they were risking their lives like this. But when she saw the suffering the Krad caused all around him. She knew she had to go through with this plan.

Smith agreed with TJ. The suffering these people faced really moved him but he wasn't an action hero. He also didn't want to die and was terrified of the force that would come through the hole they were about to create.

"You could have stayed at the camp" TJ reminded him. Smith knew that but despite his fear. He was sick of being a coward. He decided this was the chance to be the hero he always wanted to be. So much to everyone's amazement he'd insisted on being a part of this mission. The colonel was reluctant at first. But that look of determination and courage on Smith's face. He had true courage not the kind of courage that a marine feels when he goes on a mission. The kind of courage an ordinary man feels right before he does something he knows is foolish. He still had that determination and courage but realisation was starting to hit.

"It's time" TJ announced. "Scared?"

"Terrified" he stuttered.

"Good."

There was an earth shattering explosion even with her fingers in her ears it still hurt. At first there was silence. As if the whole world had gone into a collective pause as if to figure out what was going on.

"Attack" Smith yelled like a great general. For a second TJ looked at him and she knew there was more to him than she thought. He might not have been particularly strong or fierce but he had courage. TJ smiled.

After that there wasn't time for thought. The battle had begun. There were some men assigned to her as stretcher carriers. Smith was one of them and again she was amazed at his ability to think on his feet. To make sure the patient experienced as little damage as possible as they were being moved. "Maybe this was his calling" TJ thought.

She threw herself into the chaos of the situation. It was ludicrous that she was here. Working for a cause she knew little about after having nearly kissed her commanding officer. There were people to treat. This was her purpose. Her meaning. To help people in tough situations. No matter what she was feeling or thinking. She could always do this. No matter what situation she was in or what supplies she had. She made the best out of what she had. 50 people owed their lives to TJ that day and she was proud.

The Colonel was inspecting the food Nibor had brought. He was clearly over the moon. He had rescued Nairam and he had managed to discredit the Krad still further. Nibor decided to leave the colonel to it and join the feast and experience Nairam's gratitude. Everett smiled as he went "That boy is in love" he thought. He remembered the look on Nibor's face as he saw her. Unconditional devotion. It was sweet and simple. "Why can't I be like that" thought Everett and for the first time that day he thought about that near kiss.

Lieutenant Johansen was busy looking after the wounded from the battle. The battle had gone well but this was the part she hated. The part when you wait with the people who aren't going to make it. The people who were permanently disabled. She kept them all as comfortable as possible. It was stupid crying. She'd been in this situation hundreds of before. But no matter what she always cried for these people who she'd never have the chance to know.

"Are you all right" Everett asked.

Not realising he was there. TJ said "I didn't see you there." This was so unbelievably stupid that what composure she had left vanished and her quiet sobs turned into loud wails.

He immediately hugged her and let her cry into his shoulder. He didn't try and patronise her with words. He just held her. She knew that he knew that's all she wanted. To feel like a human being again and not someone who could push her emotions down a deep dark hole for the good of everyone else. He held her for a while.

As she quietened she said something they both knew was true. "There's no way this can be right" she said staring into his eyes. He didn't say anything he didn't have to.

"I love you." TJ admitted.

"It's not right but I love you too" Everett declared.

"I know" she whispered into his ear and then she kissed him and he kissed her back. The passion that had been tied down was now released. It was hungry. It devoured them both that night.

TJ woke up first the next morning. Greer and Smith had gotten too drunk to care what the other two members of their team did last night. She stared at him as he slept. She knew it was wrong but she loved him deeply. For the first time in a long time she felt real optimism for this relationship. It wasn't a cheap one night stand. If a part of her knew she was deluding herself. It was a quiet voice. She knew that their love was strong it could withhold anything.

**A/N Well I've finally gotten them together and now I have to break them up. Doh! Anyway I haven't gotten many reviews aaaaaawwwwwwwww but I have got quite a few story alerts yippee. I love getting story alerts because it means people are actively taking an interest in what I write. So thanks to all those who've been doing that. I would like some more reviews especially for this one because this chapter's kinda important because it's when they finally get together. Do I need to focus on them more or is the plot good as it is. Do you want a smutty sex scene or a bit more description? If you do that's fine but I would like to keep this T rated if that's possible and embarrassing confession time. I haven't had a boyfriend yet so I don't know what it's like to even kiss someone let alone sleep with them. So I find it hard to write really descriptive bits but if you want more description please tell me. If you've read all this thanks and I hope you enjoy the rest of the fic.**


	6. Chapter 5 Realisation is a b

Realisation is a b****.

**A/N Finally a bit more recognition of this couple. I feel like singing the hallelujah chorus. It's just gr8 to see a bit more development for this couple and it gives me more to go on to write this fic which I love doing but I really did love it when he said I need you but I think he should have and gone and seen her instead of going to the fest oh well that's a one-shot for another time. Anyway enjoy. **

_2 Months ago._

There was a thunderstorm outside the base that night. It should have frightened TJ but it didn't. The booming sound of thunder and the fierce flashes of lightning instead of making her scared. They exhilarated her just as the man who was inside her. Their passion was strong just like the thunder outside. It was relentless like the thousand of raindrops she could hear above her. She smiled. She should have been ashamed or guilty that she was sleeping with her CO but she felt nothing but ecstasy. "That's the problem with Everett" TJ thought "He makes my emotions go haywire."

The good thing about the thunderstorms which were very frequent on Icarus. It was a perfect cover. The noise of the thunder was so loud it blocked what they were doing from the rest of the world. She was even a bit turned on by the thunder storm because she knew it would give her a chance to be with Everett.

Everyone else was scared of the thunderstorm. It was 1000 times stronger than any storm on earth. Even the marines felt a bit scared, even though they'd be the last to admit it.

One time when she was patching up Greer who'd got into another fight. He noticed her smiling when Rush predicted a thunder storm

"You are one freaky chick" said Greer confusedly.

"Why is that?" responded TJ with a teasing smile on her face.

"You are the only person I know who likes these thunderstorms" replied Greer. He was already regretting bringing it up. It was her business not his.

TJ smiled "I guess I like a bit of excitement." Greer failed to see how a storm could be exciting but TJ had finally finished bandaging him up.

"You're all fixed now" TJ informed him

He immediately leapt of the table and soon after, he realised this was a mistake. TJ smiled though this time there was an exasperated look in her eye as she handed him some extra painkillers. "She's a good doc" Greer thought "even if she is a little weird."

Colonel Young ordered that when there was a thunderstorm it was imperative that everyone stop working and return to their rooms until the storms passed. Except from lieutenant Johansen who as MO had to stay in sickbay. The colonel's office was quite close to the sickbay and there were hundreds of perfectly innocent reasons why he was with lieutenant Johansen rather than in his room. They needed to discuss medical supplies. He had a headache.

There were a couple of problems with this system. Although the storms were frequent they weren't predictable, and it's very irritating having to configure your whole sex life around the weather. Also if they were seen hanging around each other. It would cause suspicion. TJ was actually developing an instinct for the thunderstorms and so was Everett so they could make most of the precious window of opportunity they had.

Also she was never a romantic but she would have liked to have made love to him on his bed. She did enjoy the eagerness in him and was surprised to find it in herself. She was willing to make love to him anywhere on the desk, one of the hospital beds, even the floor. But she'd never done anything like this before. She was no saint, but she wasn't a cheap slut, that gave it up to any man who leered at her, and she'd always had sex on a bed. It was simply too dangerous for them to go to each other's room. There's no innocent explanation. This didn't stop TJ fantasising though

There storm had quietened and they were both breathing heavily. She started searching for her clothes. He held her back and started kissing the back of her neck. The delicious feeling ran through her whole body. "Stop" she protested weakly. "I need to get some sleep and the storm is over now." He ignored her and continued.

"We need to get some sleep." She said with a bit more determination "and the storm is over"

He turned her round so they were facing each other. TJ loved staring into his eyes. He kissed her lightly "You're right" Everett said.

TJ tried and failed to not look disappointed. She continued to gather her clothes. "I approved your request" he said.

"Oh, thank you" TJ replied excitedly "My sister's going to be so happy, I can make it" She kissed him, and then a toxic thought occurred to her.

"You didn't grant me leave because of _this_" she asked. She didn't like the word affair because it sparked a little voice inside her. It was probably her conscience. It pretty much said the same thing. "This is wrong". The word relationship didn't seem apt either because of all the secrecy. Her parents taught her that, relationships are about being open with each other, but how could they be completely open with each other, while pretending to the whole world there was nothing but amicable friendship between them. The only word that seemed appropriate was _this_.

She was hoping one day _this_ would turn into relationship but much to TJ's shame, she hadn't confronted Everett about the future of _this_. Deep down she knew the thought of her future with Everett terrified her to her very soul. Because looking back she knew what was going to happen. Realisation would hit soon but at this moment. She was in love with only a few misgivings.

"No" replied Colonel Young slightly offended "You deserve a break and I'm not going to let you miss your sister's wedding"

"Thank you so much Sir" TJ replied. She kissed him then and there. Ignoring that little voice. The problem was that little voice was getting louder.

TJ's sister was ecstatic to see TJ again. It was the cherry on top of a very big and delicious cake. She had her ideal man, two beautiful children and a wedding that had took her 5 years to organise. It was going to be perfect and now her whole family was here.

The ceremony was beautiful. But as she looked at her sister getting married. A thought occurred to TJ "Will that ever be me." This thought disturbed her, so she put it to the back of her mind. But it was relentless like gravity.

She realised, that she wanted to be married someday. She realised what she wanted her future to be. She realised... she would have to leave Everett. Not because she didn't love him anymore. Love wasn't the issue. She realised that Everett couldn't give her the future she wanted. For the first time since she started this relationship. She looked ahead and she didn't like what she saw.

She could continue with the affair indefinitely. But surely Mrs Young would eventually realise what was going on. Also as TJ looked at her parents she realised that if they ever found out she was sleeping with another woman's husband. They'd never look at her the same way again. This meant she'd have to continuously lie to them. She hated the thought of doing that. Her parents were good people. They didn't deserve to be deceived

She could convince him to leave his wife for her. But could she really ask that of Everett, should she. She thought of all the times he'd lied to cover up their illicit doings. He was a good liar even TJ didn't know when he was telling a truth and when he was telling a lie. If they married there was nothing to stop him lying again. Then again everyone lies in a marriage but every time he told a little white suburban lie. She would turn it into evidence of betrayal. "Is that really an environment, I want my kids to grow up in?" TJ thought "A house where everyone assumes that everyone else is lying. Is that what I want my future to be?"

There was only one more option she realised. She started to weep. The mascara she had carefully put on started to fall, and her foundation began to melt, and the world became a blurry mess. No one realised, that TJ's heart had broken in that moment.

**A/N This chapter has taken me so long I am so sorry there are lots of reason, severe writers block, personal problems, computer troubles aaahhh. Anyway there's only one more chapter left and the epilogue and I'm hoping to get this fic finished by September so keep your eyes peeled. Any way please review and also I would like to know of anyone would beta my stories because as you may realise grammar not my strong point I've tried to pick up all the grammar mistakes I've probably failed. It's not my strong point and I try to iron out spelling mistakes but sometimes one or two slip through the gaps and I really would like someone to help with this.**


	7. Chapter 6 Time to end it

Time to end it.

**A/N sorry I haven't updated in ages and that's for various reasons starting university writers block computer problems yadda yadda anyway it's here now I hope you enjoy it.**

She looked out the window. She saw a bleak and desolate landscape. The view from her room in Icarus had never interested her until now. She'd been avoiding her colonel at all cost. She'd made a decision back on earth and she was going to go through with it. She just needed to put as much time between that decision and actually going through it as possible. There was a knock at the door. She knew who it was before he spoke.

"TJ are you in there?" he asked. She could hear sadness in his voice. It made her want to cry. No matter where she turned. All she saw was sadness.

"I need to talk to you" he added his voice was desperate now. He needed to see her. He didn't know what he could say to her. He knew what was coming. He'd come to the same conclusion she had several months beforehand. But he loved her and he couldn't end it. He'd noticed her avoiding him and she saw despair in her eyes. So he avoided her. He thought she needed space. He waited 2 months. He couldn't bear it anymore. He needed to know if this was going to work. Either way he was terrified of the answer. But the silence deafened him. He couldn't wait anymore, he needed to know.

She closed her eyes. "You can do this TJ" she said to herself. There was no conviction in her voice but she opened the door anyway.

"You've been avoiding me" the colonel stated. TJ couldn't reply. There was an awkward silence between them.

"Look I just want to know where I stand. Ok. I have no clue what I'm going to do about you. I love you but I'm married. Do you want to be with me or do we call it a mistake and never discuss what we had again?" Everett asked her the question he didn't want to ask. He thought he had everything figured out but then TJ comes along like one of these fucking storms and everything is in disarray.

Lieutenant Johansen managed to find some of her resolve and look at the man she loved in the eye and she said. "I think we should end it sir. There's no future for us" She cried as she said it. She collapsed and fell onto her bed.

He wanted to say something. He wanted to hug her. He knew both actions would only cause them both pain. He could handle it but he couldn't put her through anymore pain. He left her and as her sobs became quieter. He could feel his soul grow colder. He felt numb. When he got back to his room. He cracked open a bottle of whisky and drank half the bottle. He couldn't face the pain not yet. So he tried to pretend everything was ok.

**A/N sorry that was so short but it didn't feel right for the characters to argue back. The way Isee it is they'd both want to minimise the pain of this break up as much as possible by not talking to each other. It probably makes no sense. Anyway the plan was to have a scene between TJ and Camille discussing TJ's options but I mioght dkip that and just write the epilogue but what do you guys think please review.**


	8. Chapter 7 Messed up medic for hire

Messed up Medic for hire.

After Everett left. TJ spent 3 hours crying and while she didn't feel ok. She could still do her job which was something. In fact, in terms of work performance. Lieutenant Johansen had never done so well in her life. She'd even started looking at her medical books. She's always planned to become a proper doctor but then the stargate came along and she's put it on hold. But she was enjoying studying again. It stopped her thinking about him. It was hard seeing him every day and she did feel tempted to go to him for comfort but she couldn't do that anymore. TJ accepted that but still she felt that if she didn't confide in someone or something she'd explode.

It was strange being at Wray's door. She didn't dislike Wray. In fact she thought she was kind and considerate. Plenty of her patients spoke well of her. But she couldn't get rid of that feeling of trepidation. She felt this was wrong like she was betraying the colonel's trust by going to her. Although TJ liked her. She was still an IOA member. But she reminded herself she had no one else. She couldn't talk to Everett. She couldn't talk to her family because she couldn't let the thing she had with the colonel to touch her family. She didn't want them to think of her as the home wrecker. That left Wray. At least she's supposed to keep everything confidential.

"Come in" Wray said she gestured to the chair. TJ sat down. She liked what she'd done with the office. She had a kitten calendar and there was a lovely picture of a tropical beach on the wall.

"Do you like it, me and my partner bought 2 copies when we found out how far away we were going to be. That way when she looks at it she'll think of us on that lovely warm beach and I can do the same and we don't seem so far apart. Corny idea I know but it works." Camille smiled. TJ just stopped staring at the picture and sat down.

"So what's the problem" Camille asked. For some reason though she knew that was what she was going to say. She had it all planned out in her head. She was going to calmly discuss her problems and she was going to calmly suggest what she'd do and she'd leave. She didn't envisage herself immediately bawling her eyes out the moment she tries to do her job.

Camille didn't say anything. She knew from experience that sometimes you've just got to let your patients let it out. She'd never really had the chance to talk to Lieutenant Johansson and to be honest she never thought she would. To Camille the lieutenant seemed to have things under control. "But then again" she thought "That's the big trick figuring out how to pretend that we actually have things under control."

"I'm sorry for crying" TJ sobbed "It's just I need" and she started crying again.

"Its ok lieutenant" Camille said "we all have the time in the world."

"It's just I thought I'd gotten over the worst of it and now I'm crying and it's still so painful" she cried. She cried for 5 minutes and then she started sniffing.

"I had an affair with colonel Young" TJ said. It was strange saying it out loud TJ thought. It seemed so normal so mundane. Not the hurricane it felt like. The word affair just seemed so banal. It didn't describe the thing she had with Everett. Maybe no words could.

"Is the affair over" Wray enquired.

"Yes It's over" TJ cried.

"Do you want a transfer it could make it easier for both of you?" Wray asked.

The thought was intoxicatingly brilliant and painful at the same time. The thought of getting away from the thing and, moving on with her life seemed good. But she'd have to move on. Her heart didn't feel ready for that. But as she looked at Camille. She realised she had no choice. She couldn't go on this mission with the Colonel. She had no idea where the ninth chevron would lead them but it would lead them to a place where they'd need men and women at top efficiency who could handle whatever another galaxy could throw at them. She didn't have the emotional strength to deal with that.

"Where would I go?" TJ asked.

"I've looked at your files and you're clearly a great medic but I think you have the potential to be much more" Wray pointed out.

"What do you mean" TJ asked.

"I looked at one of the medical essays you published. It's quite brilliant. I believe you have an insight into sickness and what it takes to cure people" Camille said. TJ was astounded by the compliment

Camille continued "I know someone at Colombia and I'm sure I can get you an interview."

"I am not good enough to go to somewhere like Colombia" TJ replied.

"Your grades and your MCAT scores disagree with you and also I know Doctor Langdon would be more than happy to give you a letter of recommendation. In fact in his mission report he said that you were the most capable medic he has ever seen" She'd worked with Doctor Langdon on a planet where the Lucian alliance and the natives were having a battle over mineral rights. She remembered that time as hell. The fact he seemed to think she was capable when she'd been so distressed was amazing.

"Think about it" Camille advised "I don't think it's a good idea for you to have too much contact with the colonel. Be civil but the affair is don't owe him anything"

"Thanks Camille" TJ said as she left the room. Trying to get the red out of her eyes so no one would know she'd been crying.

Camille sat there and pondered for a bit. She knew the colonel had been acting strangely this past month but she'd never dreamed anything like this. She wondered if she should report this to the IOA. They'd probably see it as proof that he wasn't fit to lead and try to discredit him. If there was one thing the IOA were good at it was discrediting the military. She didn't think there was much point though. His record suggested he was a fine leader and she heard rumours. He was planning on retiring soon. If that was the case she didn't see any point in trying to discredit him. She didn't like the idea of bringing someone down just for the sake of it. If she saw any sign that the affair was effecting his judgement then of course she'd have him removed. But for the time being he was behaving admirably and she didn't have any problem with him. "Let him continue" she thought "and when Rush finally figures out how to dial the ninth chevron he'll be happily retired" She turned to her computer and started writing an email to her friend at Colombia.

**A/N so this is the last chapter before the epilogue. Thanks for all the reviews. I'm sorry it's taken so long to get out. I'll try and do better in the future. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It was actually surprisingly fun writing Camille and I love the idea that she could have got Colonel Young fired before the mission began but didn't. It just seemed like something Camille would do. But yeah maybe a fanfic for Camille in the future. Anyway in case you didn't know I'm British so if I got something wrong about the Colombia application process I'm sorry. Also I've tried to link this with the show I don't think I've said anything which goes against what the show says but I don't know. Anyway I hope you liked it and coming soon epilogue.**


	9. Epilogue

Epilogue

**A/N wow I'm finally here writing my last chapter of my first multi chapter story and it's taken over a year. Wow anyway thanks for sticking with me and I hope you like the ending.**

She'd never really had the chance to reflect on her past with Everett before now. When she was in a relationship with him. She refused to reflect on it when she was in a relationship with him. Afterwards she spent so much time and effort trying to move on. She didn't have time for reflection. But now on this quiet alien ship. She looked at her past and shared it with this ship even if it wasn't alive. "I don't know, sometimes I think this ship is alive" she said it to herself almost daring it to answer back. She was greeted by silence. "I think I'm going crazy, I'm talking to a ship." She thought. With some reluctance she got out of bed and made her way to sickbay.

On the way there she ran into Eli.

"Hey there are you going to sickbay?" Eli asked

"Yeah I am" TJ said

"So you're not going to breakfast?" Eli asked again

"No I don't think so" Lieutenant Johansen replied.

"Are you sure it's crackers with substitute maple syrup. I really miss the pancakes my mom used to make me back on earth. Apparently this is going to be pretty close to pancakes apart from its crackers and the maple syrup is actually this juice of some weird fruit we found on the last planet. Volker says the fruit looked like a mouldy onion. But I'm sure it will taste all right." Eli said trying to be enthusiastic and cheer TJ up but failing miserably.

"I really don't feel up to it Eli" Lieutenant Johansen replied becoming more and more irritated. The very thought of that crackers and alien fruit juice made her want to vomit. She'd actually been feeling quite nauseous ever since she got on Destiny in fact.

"Ok but you don't know what you're missing" Eli said cheerfully as he ran to the mess hall. She smiled as he ran off. He was like a big kid full of optimism and enthusiasm. A part of him was living the dream. He was the big space hero who could solve anything. But TJ knew that deep down he was terrified. There was a very real chance he could die out of here. "But then again that's the same for all of us" she thought. She didn't want to die out of here. She put her hand on her stomach. She couldn't think about that.

TJ made it to sickbay. She started switching Lieutenant James bandages. She'd been mauled by a strange alien animal on the last planet. There was no lasting damage which was good. She was getting sick of not being able to help people.

It also meant she couldn't run away from her psych evaluations. Vanessa was suffering. Scott had slept with her and then refused to acknowledge her existence afterwards and the he immediately jumped on Chloe the moment they boarded Destiny. James was just grateful she had someone to confide in. She wished she could do something to help her friend. But TJ kept all her suffering inside and focused on her work. But Vanessa could see it in her eyes. She knew it had something to do with the colonel. But she didn't know what. She saw the way they looked at each other. Their eyes contained a history. They shouldn't have. Vanessa tried to ask her directly but she couldn't. Vanessa had to give her time. But when she was ready Vanessa would be there to help.

"So, how are you feeling?" TJ asked.

"Not too bad the cuts are healing up nicely." Vanessa answered.

There was a silence for a while. Then Vanessa said "I don't want to shoot her anymore but I just feel let down and it doesn't help that I have the thrilling prospect of watching them be together for oh I don't know the rest of my life"

"Look we're not going to be on this ship forever. We have to get home" TJ said with tears in her eyes. Despite both arms being heavily bandaged. Vanessa managed to hug her friend realising she needed to be comforted. They didn't say anything they didn't need to.

"You should be ready to go to Breakfast now" TJ said giving a weak ghost of smile.

"Can't wait" Vanessa said sarcastically "Come with me?"

"I'll meet you there" TJ said reluctantly. She didn't want to go but she knew Vanessa wouldn't take no for an answer. "I've just got to do a quick inventory of the medicine."

"Great see you in 5" Vanessa said.

TJ watched her friend go. She felt sorry for her having to be stuck on a ship with a man who broke your hear. She could certainly relate. She did the inventory. "My periods have stopped" she thought "I'm pregnant" She'd been suppressing this but she knew it was true. She'd had sex with the colonel 8 weeks before coming on Destiny and now she was feeling nauseous all the time. Her periods had stopped. She was definitely pregnant. She looked out the window. She closed her eyes and she wanted to see the lakes and mountains of her youth. But when she opened her eyes all she saw was black. All she saw was nothing. She realised that was what Destiny was for her child. She fell onto her knees and wept.

**A/N the problem with taking a year to write a fanfic is the big dramatic reveal is kind of ruined a little bit. I also don't really like the relationship with her and Simeon. It's just really boring and just an excuse to give her a love interest. I just think her and the colonel's relationship is a lot more interesting and there's more to be explored there. Oh well I guess we'll just wait and see. Anyway I want to thank all of you have kept reading this fanfic despite the delays. I want to thank all those who reviewed this fanfic and were so positive and gave such gr8 compliments. Anyway I hoped you enjoyed this fanfic as much as I enjoyed writing and please review the ending and the whole fanfic as a whole. **


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